(The text is an extract from a letter of encouragement to the participants of the Free yourself from wine with ease and joy online course. It is intended to provide peer support and tips for the first sober midsummer)
Have a wonderful, sober Midsummer!!
The first sober Midsummer can be exciting, especially if your Midsummer traditions have included alcohol and drunkenness.
You may be wondering whether you have the strength to refuse the glass offered. You may also worry about how others will react to your decision not to drink.
Even if you’ve been sober for a while, you may feel a sense of wistfulness and a kind of universal loneliness on Midsummer’s Eve—whether you’re alone or in the middle of a celebrating crowd.
Midsummer is a holiday in Finland rich with traditional images of summer food, lakesides, bonfires, and midsummer saunas…and alcohol. If your own Midsummer traditions have included drinking socially with others, you will be acutely aware on this first sober Midsummer that you have jumped ship. Your friends are drinking and getting drunk while you are not.
At some point, those who drink to get drunk will find themselves on a different level than you.
On the other hand, Midsummer Day may not evoke feelings of melancholy for you. Much depends on how far along you are in your process of change, how important the festive season is to you, and what traditions are associated with it.
Personally, I have always loved Midsummer. I have many fond memories of spending Midsummer with friends at the cottage, involving beach saunas, good food, coke, and alcohol. But there are also many Midsummer holidays I don’t remember anything about—except the next morning’s hangover and anxiety: did I have a fight with my husband yesterday? What did I say, and what did others hear?
By the time of my first sober Midsummer, I had been sober for almost eight months, so I wasn’t nervous about drinking. I rejoiced in my sobriety and felt proud of myself.
I brought a drink to the cottage and enjoyed the evening with my brother, cousins, and daughter. Everyone knew that I no longer drank alcohol. Some people were a bit wary at first, and even my brother felt a bit stiff. He reflected on his own relationship with alcohol, saying that for him, it is a culinary indulgence. In that moment, I felt a little sad and out of place.
As the blood alcohol levels began to rise in the party crowd, my sobriety no longer excited anyone.
At some point in the evening, I became aware that I was the only one still mentally present. My daughter and her friends were already downstairs, while the others were drunk as skunks.
I decided to leave the group and went to the pier to watch the calm surface of the lake. I put my feet in the water and took a deep breath of fresh air.
A sense of peace descended upon me, and I said to myself halfheartedly: everything is fine. I got up and went to bed, already looking forward to a hangover-free morning ahead.
On Midsummer Day, I woke up refreshed and went for a morning swim in the lake. Afterwards, I enjoyed coffee on the pier while the others were still asleep. As the party people began to rise closer to noon in a shabby state, I didn’t miss the mornings of previous Midsummer Days at all.
The next Midsummer was easy. Everyone knew I didn’t drink, and they also knew they were free to drink with me. Nothing had changed in that respect—except that my drunken stupor would no longer make for funny stories on Midsummer Day.
Just in case you feel excited about Midsummer, here are some quick tips:
Quick tips for Midsummer:
Whether you’re alone or with company, stock up on a drink without alcohol, especially if drinking has been part of your Midsummer tradition. Nothing else needs to change—only that your drink lacks ethanol.
Prepare yourself mentally: you can either tell your party in advance that you won’t be drinking, or you can hope that no one will pay attention to what you drink.
If someone starts asking you why you don’t drink and you don’t want to explain further, here are a few ready answers:
“I decided not to drink this Midsummer.”
“I don’t feel like drinking.”
“I get terrible migraines from alcohol these days, that’s why I don’t drink.”
“I invest in my well-being and that’s why I don’t drink now.”
Happy and beautiful sober midsummer to you!
With love,
Ira
“This moment is full of joy and happiness.
If you pay attention, you will see it”.
– Thích Nhất Hạnh
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