Kaarina joined the Free yourself from wine with ease and joy online course at the turn of the year. He now tells his sobriety story: how his alcohol problem developed, and how he managed to break free from alcohol.
I realized I had a drinking problem after a couple of years of medicating my work fatigue with wine. Or I had been aware of my addiction before, but I wasn’t ready to quit.
Alcohol was a coping mechanism for me. It helped me to survive in a job that didn’t suit me, as an early childhood teacher in a kindergarten.
With the help of WINE , I survived a stressful everyday life and work fatigue. I tried moderation sometimes, and I took breaks from drinking. I did notice that the break had a positive effect, but then I always started again.
I didn’t need alcohol at all when I was a housewife, studying meaningful things and living a life of my own. But when I went back to work in the world of kindergarten, I very soon started to medicate the bad feeling with wine. It started with a glass or two in the evening, and gradually the amounts started to increase as the tolerance increased.
For someone like me, daycare is extremely demanding: you are always present with the children, you eat with them and you can only go to the toilet if someone is watching them. There is only a nine-minute coffee break throughout the day, so you don’t have to worry about children, their parents or colleagues. The hustle, bustle and constant responsibility caused a total stress situation
I was tired and tired. I was no longer recovering from work and my blood pressure was very high.
My husband pointed it out and I rationed the drinks. I cut down and took breaks, but for the last two years I drank a bottle of wine every night. And in the moments when I wasn’t drinking, I was thinking about drinking.
I LEFT work and worked in short bursts. I took the summers off. I thought I would recover in the summer, but there wasn’t enough time to recover. During the day at work I thought, “Goddammit, if I survive this, I’ll drink at night.
I started waking up in the mornings, my heart pounding like crazy and my weight going up. I was constantly sad and anxious. The mornings were really sticky. Emotions were all over the place, I had fits of tears and rage.
THIS summer I was thinking about quitting. I fasted and tried to lighten up. But just before Christmas, I found myself drinking a bottle every night again. I came down with a bad fever and was shocked that I couldn’t buy more wine. It was a wake-up call.
I HAD bought Ira Koivu
Free from wine
-and Alan Carr’s Cork Closed and Susanna Rissanen’ s The Light Seeker’s Diary, and I read them all. I did a lot of internal work. I finally admitted to myself that moderation and breaks don’t help. I had already tried them.
ETSIN Iran from Facebook and came up with Soberist
Get rid of wine with ease and joy
-course. I went to check it out and thought, “Wow, how expensive is that!
One night, however, the anxiety was so bad that I went to my husband’s office and asked him what he would think if I bought the course. I can’t cope on my own anymore. My husband supported my decision and said buy it.
THEN I also talked to the boys. They had also said, “Do you always have to drink that wine?
Although in front of them I had always had only one or two glasses, and then the rest in secret. When I told them I was giving up wine, and the boys were really relieved.
A YEAR AGO , I had bought a course and had my last drink with a friend. We drank half of three litres of wine and then had a funeral for the wine. That was the end of it for both of them. Now more than six months sober, a soberist.
Already in the first week, at the end of the Easter weekend, there was a huge sense of freedom and ease: wonderful I don’t have to get wine!
It took a while to get through the delays . At the end of two weeks, I wrote in my course notebook, “The best thing is to catch up on sleep. I sleep well, no hangover. The nausea has hit and in the first week the physical withdrawal symptoms. Sweating, migraines.”
At the end of TWO months, insomnia hit when a real case of work fatigue hit. I was still working, but now I no longer had that coping mechanism, alcohol. I felt really bad.
THAT ‘S when I thought I was going to resign. I first started working a three-day week, but it wasn’t enough.
Then in May I quit my job. It has felt wonderful not to have to go there anymore, but the redundancy has also raised fears about financial survival.
THOSE are the feelings you have had and have had to learn to cope with. It has been really important to be aware of my own limits and to work on them: I have the right to say no.
I still get tired easily and do recovery work.
NOW that I’ve been sober for six months, the changes have been so dramatic you wouldn’t believe it. My whole appearance has been refreshed and my mother said that I am rejuvenated. I have lost 5-7 kilos, my mood is calm and balanced, there is no more depression. Memory has improved, skin and mind have cleared and joy has returned to life. The most surprising change was that there was no more tartar! In the past, the dentist has always had to scrape them off.
I do somatic exercises that support me to be present in the moment. I don’t get involved in teenage tantrums anymore.
WHAT comes to the price of the course, I had already saved in April, when I stopped drinking.
The course materials have helped ME the most in my sobering up, especially the initial videos and exercises. I did them very carefully. A one-year commitment to this change coaching brings peace. When the destination is far away, there is no anxiety.
I haven‘t always been able to attend peer meetings, but the important thing is that I know they exist. If you have a weak moment, you can always ask for help from your peers in the group.
It has also been wonderful to have such warm, open and relaxed people. Although the subject matter can sometimes be tough, there is a lot of laughter in the group. There is a very accepting atmosphere.
The FIRST change in myself is that I’ve got the courage to say out loud that I don’t drink anymore.
The best thing is that you no longer have to drink! A feeling of freedom! I’m really looking forward to the summer. I love knowing that I don’t have to have a scotch to celebrate anymore.
Kaarina, 186 days sober
(Photo is an illustration)
