Kaarina joined Soberisti online course at the turn of the year. She now shares her sobriety story: how her alcohol problem developed, and how she managed to break free from alcohol.
I realized I had a drinking problem after a couple of years of medicating my work fatigue with wine. To be hones, I had been aware of my addiction before, but I wasn’t ready to quit.
FOR me, alcohol was a coping mechanism. It helped me to survive in a job that didn’t suit me, as an early childhood teacher in a kindergarten.
WITH the help of wine, I survived a stressful everyday life and work fatigue.
I tried moderation, and I took breaks from drinking and noticed, that the break had a positive effect. But then I always started again.
I didn’t need alcohol at all when I was a housewife, studying meaningful things and living a life of my own. But when I went back to work in the kindergarten, I very soon started to medicate myself with wine.
IT started with a glass or two in the evening, and gradually the amounts started to increase as the tolerance increased.
FOR me, working in a kindergarten was extremely demanding: you have to be always be fully present with the children, you eat with them and you can only go to the toilet if someone is watching them at that time.
THERE is only a nine-minute coffee break throughout the day, when you don’t have to worry about children, their parents or colleagues. The hustle, bustle and constant responsibility caused stress for me.
I no longer recovered from work, and my blood pressure was dangerously high. My husband would comment on it, and I tried to control my drinking.
I cut back and took breaks, but for the last two years I drank a bottle of wine every night. And in the moments when I wasn’t drinking, I was thinking about it.
I reduced my workload and only worked part-time. I took summers off. I figured I’d have time to recover during the summer, but it was never enough.
DURING the day at work, I would think, ‘If I survive this, I’m going to drink wine tonight.
I started waking up in the mornings, my heart pounding like crazy and my weight going up. I was constantly sad and anxious.
The mornings were really sticky. Emotions were all over the place, I had fits of crying and rage.
THIS summer I was thinking about quitting. I fasted and tried to loose waight. But just before Christmas, I found myself drinking a bottle every night again.
I came down with a severe fever and was shocked that I couldn’t go out to buy more wine. That was a wake-up call.”
I had bought Ira Koivus Free from wine -and Alan Carr’s No more hangovers and I read them.
I did a lot of internal work. I finally admitted to myself that moderation and dry spells don’t help. I had already tried them.
I looked Ira up from Facebook and found Soberisti online cource. I went to check it out and thought, “Wow, how expensive is that!
One night, however, the anxiety was so bad that I went to my husband’s office and asked him what he would think if I bought the course. I could not cope on my own anymore.
MY husband supported my decision and told me to buy it.
Then I talked with my boys. They had also said, “Do you always have to drink that wine?
THEY had noticed my problem even thoug I had always had only one or two glasses in front of them.
When I told them I was giving up wine, and the boys were really relieved.
A YEAR AGO , I had bought a course and had my last drink with a friend.
We drank half of three litres of wine and then had a funeral for the wine. That was the end of it for both of them. Now we both have been more than six months sober.
ALREADY in the first week, at the end of the Easter weekend, there was a huge sense of freedom and ease: wonderful I don’t have to get wine!
IT took a while to get through the withdrawal symptoms.
At the end of two weeks, I wrote in my course notebook:
“First week sober. I sleep well, and no hangovers.
The longin and the the physical withdrawal symptoms hit in the first week. Sweating, migraines.”
AT the end of two months a real case of work fatigue hit and with it, insomnia.
I was still working, but now I no longer had that coping mechanism, alcohol. I felt really bad.
THAT ‘S when I thought I was going to resign. I first started working a three-day week, but it wasn’t enough.
THEN in May I quit my job. It has felt wonderful not to have to go there anymore, but the redundancy has also raised fears about financial survival.
I had to learn to cope with difficult emotions . I had to learn to set boundaries and say no.
I still get tired easily, and that’s normal at this point. After all, I am doing important recovery work, and learning new things takes energy.
NOW that I’ve been sober for six months, the changes have been so dramatic you wouldn’t believe it.
MY whole appearance has been refreshed and my mother said that I am rejuvenated. I have lost one stone, my mood is calm and balanced, there is no more depression.
MEMORY has improved, skin and mind have cleared and joy has returned to life.
The most surprising change was that there was no more tartar! In the past, the dentist has always had to scrape them off.
I do somatic exercises that support me to be present in the moment. I don’t get involved in teenage tantrums anymore.
WHAT comes to the price of the course, I had already saved in April, when I stopped drinking.
The course materials have helped me the most in my sobering up, especially the initial videos and exercises. I did them very carefully.
A one-year commitment to this change coaching brings peace. When the destination is far away, there is no anxiety.
I HAVEN’T always been able to attend peer meetings, but the important thing is that I know they exist. If you have a weak moment, you can always ask for help from your peers in the group.
IT HAS been wonderful that there are such warm-hearted, open and relaxed people in the peer meetings. Although the subject matter can sometimes be tough, there is a lot of laughter in the group. The atmosphere is warm and accepting.
THE FIRST change in myself is that I’ve got the courage to say out loud that I don’t drink anymore.
THE BEST thing is that I no longer have to drink! The feeling of freedom!
I’M really looking forward to the summer. I love knowing that I don’t have to have alcohol to celebrate anymore.
Kaarina, 186 days sober
(Photo is an illustration)
Read more about the online course here: https://soberisti.com/en/soberist-online-course/
