(The text is an extract from a letter of encouragement to the participants of the Free yourself from wine with ease and joy online course. It is intended to provide peer support and tips for the first sober midsummer)
Have a wonderful, sober Midsummer!!
The first sober Midsummer can be exciting, especially if your Midsummer traditions have included alcohol and drunkenness.
You may be wondering whether you have the strength to refuse the glass offered. You may also worry about how others will react to your not drinking.
Even if you’ve been sober, sober, sober for a while, you may feel a sense of wistfulness and a kind of universal loneliness on Midsummer’s Eve – whether you’re alone on Midsummer’s Eve, or in the middle of a celebrating crowd.
Midsummer is a holiday in Finland with strong, traditional images of summer food, lakeside, bonfire, midsummer sauna… and alcohol.
If your own Midsummer traditions have included drinking alcohol socially with others, you will be acutely aware on this first sober Midsummer that you have jumped ship. Your friends drink alcohol and get drunk, you don’t.
And at some point, those who drink to get drunk will sink to a different level than you.
On the other hand, it may also be that Midsummer Day doesn’t evoke any great feelings of melancholy in you. A lot depends on how far along you are in your process of change and how important the festive season is to you, and what traditions are associated with it.
Personally, I have always loved Midsummer. I have many fond memories of spending Midsummer with friends at the cottage. They involve a beach sauna, good food, coke and alcohol. But there are also a lot of Midsummer holidays that I don’t remember anything about. Or I remember the next morning’s hangover and anxiety: did I have a fight with my husband yesterday? What did I say and what did others hear?
By the time of the first Soberist Midsummer I had been sober for almost eight months, so I wasn’t nervous about drinking. I rejoiced in sobriety and felt proud of myself.
I booked a drink at the cottage and enjoyed the evening with my brother, cousins and daughter. Everyone knew that I no longer drink alcohol. Some people were a bit wary at first and even my brother felt a bit stiff. He reflected on his own relationship with alcohol, saying that for him it is a culinary indulgence. At that moment, I felt a little sad and out of place for a moment.
When the blood alcohol level started to rise in the party crowd, my soberness no longer excited anyone.
And at some point in the evening I became aware that I was the only one who was still mentally present. The daughter and her friends were already downstairs, the others drunk as a skunk.
I decided to leave the company and went to the pier to watch the calm surface of the lake. I put my feet in the water and took a deep breath of fresh air.
Peace descended on me and I said to myself halfheartedly: everything is fine. I got up and went to bed, already looking forward to a hangover-free morning ahead.
On Midsummer Day, I woke up refreshed and went for a morning swim in the lake. Afterwards I had coffee on the pier while the others were still asleep. As the party people started getting up closer to noon in a shabby state, I didn’t miss the mornings of the previous Midsummer’s Day at all.
The next Midsummer was easy. Everyone knew I didn’t drink, and they also knew they were free to drink with me. That nothing has changed in that respect. Except that my drunken stupor would no longer make for funny stories on Midsummer’s Day.
Just in case you get excited about Midsummer:
Quick tips for Midsummer:
Whether you’re alone or in company, stock up on a drink without a glass, if alcohol has been part of the Midsummer tradition. Nothing else needs to change now. Only that your drink lacks ethanol.
Prepare yourself mentally: you can either tell your party in advance that you won’t drink, or you can hope that no one will pay attention to what you drink.
If someone starts asking you why you don’t drink and you don’t want to explain further, here are a few ready answers:
“I decided not to drink this Midsummer.”
“I don’t feel like drinking.”
“I get terrible migraines from alcohol these days, that’s why I don’t drink.”
“I invest in my well-being and that’s why I don’t drink now.”
Happy and beautiful sober midsummer to you!
With love,
Ira
“This moment is full of joy and happiness.
If you pay attention, you will see it”.
– Thích Nhất Hạnh
If you need help to break free from alcohol, join Soberist’s online coaching!
